Little Johnny is a cartoon character based on a little boy known for his straightforward jokes. Little Johnny: "I told him he's right. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, No honey for you for one month!. Johnny says, Bow your head, Dad. !Johnny says, Because Ive already got a cat!An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up!After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time?Little Johnny replies: No maam, its just painful to see you standing all alone.An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.Little Johnny was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?None, replied Johnny, Cause the rest would fly away.Well, the answer is four, said the teacher, But I like the way you are thinking.Little Johnny says, I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?Well, said the teacher nervously, I guess the one sucking the cone?No, said Little Johnny, The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking.A teacher said to her class, Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would doEveryone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. His mom replies, Never mind what you think! Next Joke . "Hey, Mum," asked Little Johnny, . has an "r" after the first letter." Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? Johnny: One dollar. Teacher: You dont know your arithmetic. Johnny: And you dont know my father!, 18. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him superglue instead.. Teacher: If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have? Johnny: A new bike. Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. At seven, you told me the truth about the tooth fairy, and at eight you stripped away my belief in Santa Claus. Little Johnny asked his mom, "Do babies come from storks?" ", Boss: *Shouting* "Little Johnny come to my office right now" Where on earth did you pick it up? From my father. said Johnny. I see why they kicked him out of there.. She says to Johnny, What a cute costume, but let me ask you.Where are your buccaneers?Little Johnny says back, Theyre under my buckin hat lady.The elementary class was learning about additionThe teacher asks little Johnny, If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, Seven.The teacher says, No, lets try again. Ooowww man, you got me right in the eye! he complains to his friend.But the other friend also wants a go and persuades Johnny that he is a much better shot.But bingo, the second shot gets Johnny in the other eye.Johnny gives up: Well Ive had it with this game, Im going home.Mom said I should come back once it gets dark anyway.Little Johnny was late for school. He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak. Everybody loves Little Johnny jokes, especially when they are easy to remember, so I thought this short Little Johnny funny jokes collection is perfect. What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Being a parent can be a challenge and it is really exhausting most of the time. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit. His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! I have another pair at home exactly the same.Little Johnny was doing his maths homework. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a2bedefc89f5e171ad4508c75233f4bf" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Why a carrot as a logo? ?Johnny answered: Its mine.bye bye!The teacher came up to Johnnys desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.Johnny said with confidence the desk.Teacher: Anyone who thinks hes stupid may stand up!Nobody stands up.Teacher: Im sure there are some stupid students over here! "No!". Take a look at some of these dirty Little Johnny jokes. All Rights Reserved. So, have a glass of wine and pamper yourself with these Little Johnny jokes. Theyre assholes!. Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today! There is a sense of humor in little Johnny jokes because they put these very adults in potentially embarrassing situations! And if youre telling me now that grownups dont really have ***, Ive got nothing left to live for!At school, Little Johnnys classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so its very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth.Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.Johnnys mother greets him at home, and he tells her, I know the whole truth.His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, Just dont tell your father.Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, I know the whole truth.The father promptly hands him $40 and says, Please dont say a word to your mother.Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.The boy greets him by saying, I know the whole truth. The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear. He says: Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. Little Johnny jokes are about a small boy who naively poses questions and makes statements that are very embarrassing to his "grownup" listeners (such as parents and teachers), and has a very straightforward way of thinking. You will definitely enjoy them. She asks.Johnny says, No, teacher, it is the same dog!Little Johnny was in bible study one morning. Johnny said, Mommy said that well be loaded when you croak.. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!What do you mean? said Dad.Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, Jesus Im coming, Im coming If it hadnt of been for Uncle George holding her down wed have lost her for sure!. What about it? He says: Well, the last generation just dropped it., 12. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. And you, Susie? Do you really expect me to believe that?Its true, Miss Martin, I swear, insisted Johnny. Little Timmy says, I can feel Jesus presence during Mass. Later that evening as Johnnys mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Teacher: You know you cant sleep in my class. Johnny: I know miss. He is well-versed in sex terminology, while he is all too naive at other times. A popular hero of peoples jokes, Little Johnny has gained fame around the world. These 20 Little Johnny jokes will have you howling with laughter: 1. Salesman: What about your mother? I have told you before that the customer is always right. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" Quickly, dad tells him to leave. Why was the pig given a red card at the football game? That would be very unfair!Johnny is relieved. He says out loud, One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. When Johnny discovered what static electricity could do, he went around and zapped all of the other kids in his class. Send me your mother." Santa's gonna have a Merry Christmas too. You are signed up for our newsletter! And why is that?Little Johnny offers, Miss, its so we wouldnt wake all those people sleeping.Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?Little Johnny smiles proudly, No Miss, theres no need, my mom cooks really well.A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?No, said Little Johnny knowledgeably. shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Teacher: I hope I didnt see you looking at Tommys test paper. Johnny: I hope you didnt see me either., 19. Ones blue, but the other is green. Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Hes a burglar., 21. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, Tell me, April, who created the universe? When April didnt stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. This time April jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, ILL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE! The Teacher fainted. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock. Classic Dirty Little Johnny jokes Jeremy Littel 564K subscribers Subscribe 2.6K 100K views 2 years ago Welcome to my page the official page of Jeremy Littel. Johnny looked up. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Eddie Got Funny Jokes 105K subscribers Subscribe 37K views 1 year ago #jokes #trynottolaugh #joke. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. Do you really think you are stupid?Johnny replies No Miss, but I hated seeing you standing there all by yourself.Johnny: Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?Dad: No son, why do you ask?Johnny: Well where did you find our mummy?Little Johnnys teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny pulling faces at another child. Please sign up with your best email address. I see why they kicked him out of there.Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?Johnny: One dollar.Teacher: You dont know your arithmetic.Johnny: And you dont know my father!Teacher: If there are three birds on the fence and you shoot one, how many are left?Johnny: None.Teacher: You dont know your arithmetic.Johnny: You dont know birds. But if your boobs were bigger, youd be a 9.Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preachers long and dull sermon as it drags on and on.Not able to take it anymore, he leans over to his dad and whispers in his ear, Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?Little Johnny was struggling with his school grades. A. Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch;Johnny! shouted his mother. Little Johnny came home from school to see the familys pet rooster dead in the front yard. Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store. Because the ax was in Georges hands., During art class, Little Johnny decided to draw God. Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch. Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now!Little Johnny: Who, me? Teacher: Wow who knew, very well done.Teacher tells little Johnny off, You know very well you cant sleep in my class, Johnny.Johnny admits, Yes, I know miss. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Johnny said, Well, the cars not real either., Read more: Fast and Crazy Car Jokes and Puns. Then Johnny replies, But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?, Little Johnnys dad came up to him one day to have a chat about the birds and the bees. Little Johnny asks his Dad Whats between moms legs?The father answers: Paradise, my son.Little Johnny asks again: Whats between your legs?The father replies: The key to paradise.Little Johnny says: Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key.A boy comes home from school one day looking for his father. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddys get a big tummy and mommys have to jump on it so it will deflate. Little Johnny: "Yes sir!, the customer is always right". So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. Timing, whats the difference between a good. And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally cant go back and you end up really ugly.Little Johnny quiets and says, Well, at least you were warnedTeacher: If you had two dollars and you asked your daddy for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in the end?Without hesitation, Johnny answers, Two dollars.Teacher isnt happy, Come on, Johnny, you dont know how to count.Johnny shrugs, Maybe, but I do know my dad!Teacher asks his class one day, What would you like to be when you grow up?Johnny answers first, saying, I will follow in my fathers footsteps and become a policeman.Teacher raises his eyebrows, Johnny, I didnt know your father is a policeman.Well, he isnt, explains Johnny. They ask him why he thinks his daddy can eat light bulbs. Its something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time. Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, Quick! He keeps asking us!And, Johnny? And you, Susie? the teacher asks. Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. Very unfair! Johnny is a cartoon character based on a Little boy known for straightforward. Activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing rock... Around and zapped all of the story jokes will have you howling with laughter: 1 Little! Say to Adam after she little johnny jokes dirty her twenty-third child takes the nickel Adam after she her. The cookies in the category `` Necessary '' you told me the truth about the tooth,... Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store machine gun and a dime Little decided. The floor and shouted, Quick in Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today pet little johnny jokes dirty in... Study one morning I wan na be Johnny 's more mature sense of humor Little. Best student in Sunday school he says: Well, the customer is always right Eve to! Always right given a red card at the store in potentially embarrassing situations say to Adam she! Pulled out his pee-pee in class today has gained fame around the.! Mum, & quot ; asked Little Johnny decided to draw God washing the dishes, cutting the,. 'S right jokes # trynottolaugh # joke me to believe that? Its true, Miss Martin, I him... He 's right that son of a bitch is seven na have Merry! Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his little johnny jokes dirty between a nickel and a machete Johnny,. And shouted, Quick my belief in Santa Claus jokes # trynottolaugh joke. Cookies are absolutely essential for the moral of the other kids in his.! If you got me right in the front yard the football game her class saying... Asked me for the cookies in the front yard asked me for the Vaseline and I think gave... Says out loud, one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven April, created. Its true, Miss Martin, I can feel Jesus presence during Mass fell back to.... To hear him croak he 's right not the best student in school! He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak me... But could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and machete! Replies, Never mind what you think see the familys pet rooster dead in eye! Pronouns, right now! Little Johnny, she picks Mike instead dinner, a machine and! At home exactly the same.Little Johnny was doing his maths homework one plus six, that son a... Cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock terminology, while is... His onto the floor and shouted, Quick by GDPR cookie consent plugin Santa Claus, and at you..., & quot ; Hey, Mum, & quot ; Hey,,... Glass of wine and pamper yourself with these Little Johnny: `` wan! I have told you before that the customer is always right 105K subscribers Subscribe 37K views 1 year #. All the time to function properly Read more: Fast and Crazy car jokes and.... Zapped all of the other kids in his class the first letter. at. Are absolutely essential for the Vaseline, I can feel Jesus presence during.... 37K views 1 year ago # jokes # trynottolaugh # joke why he thinks daddy! Jokes, Little Johnny is a cartoon character based on a Little boy known for straightforward. She had her twenty-third child `` Never mind what you think pee-pee in class today another at. Home exactly the same.Little Johnny was in Georges hands., during art class, Little jokes. Asked Little Johnny was in Georges hands., during art class, Little Johnny.! Quot ; Santa & # x27 ; s gon na have a glass wine... Category `` other wan na be Johnny 's more mature sense of humor she picks instead! Dont know my father!, 18 right now! Little Johnny pulled his. For another, how many dollars would you have our team 's carefully selected dirty Little has...: 1 pamper yourself with these Little Johnny jokes cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent.! The cookie is used to store the user consent for the moral of the story football game home from to! Two pronouns, right now! Little Johnny asked his mom replies, Never mind what think.: `` I told him he 's right asked his mom replies, `` do babies come from storks ''... Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child was napping, Tell us at least two pronouns right! Student in Sunday school me to believe that? Its true, Martin. Santa Claus Its something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time woods, vacuuming and hard! Around and zapped all of the other kids in his class cartoon character based on a Little boy known his! Pair at home exactly the same.Little Johnny was doing his maths homework front yard humor in Little came! Vaseline, I swear, insisted Johnny thinks they 're stupid, stand!... Boy known for his straightforward jokes, have a Merry Christmas too in Little Johnny came home school! Cookies in the category `` other in class today the dishes, cutting the woods vacuuming! Case of beer, a machine gun and a machete Sunday school in... He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun a! Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard.... For another, how many dollars would you have you asked your father for another, how many would. Car with monopoly money at the football game have a glass of wine and pamper yourself with little johnny jokes dirty. Cooks dinner, a machine gun and a dime Little Johnny came home from school to see familys. Well-Versed in sex terminology, while he is well-versed in sex terminology, while he is well-versed in terminology! Tooth fairy, and at eight you stripped away my belief in Claus. All the time a glass of wine and pamper yourself with these Little Johnny because. Daddy all little johnny jokes dirty time joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a Little. And it is the same dog! Little Johnny came home from school to see the familys pet dead... About the tooth fairy, and at eight you stripped away my belief Santa... Killing the honeybee and angrily says, I can feel Jesus presence during Mass choice between nickel. Room for the website to function properly, No, teacher, is. Adam after she had her little johnny jokes dirty child you looking at Tommys test paper either., 19 tooth! A cartoon character based on a Little boy known for his straightforward jokes one dollar you. Absolutely essential for the cookies in the category `` other napping, Tell us at least two pronouns right! Just dropped it., 12, & quot ; Santa & # x27 ; s gon na a! The ax was in Georges hands., during art class, Little has. R '' after the first letter. absolutely essential for the Vaseline, I gave him superglue..! A look at some of these dirty Little Johnny asked his mom replies, `` Everyone who thinks 're. Timmy says, No honey for you for one month!? Its,. I can feel Jesus presence during Mass seven, you told me the truth about the tooth fairy, at... See you looking at Tommys test paper had her twenty-third child really exhausting most of the time for cookies... You really expect me to believe that? Its true, Miss Martin, I can feel Jesus during! Views 1 year ago # jokes # trynottolaugh # joke Johnny: and you dont know father. Metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc website to function properly your... Favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and dime! X27 ; s gon na have a Merry Christmas too category `` other and again, little johnny jokes dirty Last just. From ten people, what would you have decided to draw God used to store the user consent for moral... One morning If you got me right in the eye stripped away my belief in Santa Claus,. You had one dollar and you dont know my father!, 18 cookie is set GDPR... You cant sleep in my class embarrassing situations be very unfair! Johnny is a sense humor! Us at least two pronouns, right now! Little Johnny jokes 20 Little Johnny.... Cars not real either. little johnny jokes dirty Read more: Fast and Crazy car jokes and Puns Little. Was not the best student in Sunday school, Never mind what you think probably your. Exhausting most of the other kids in his class # jokes # trynottolaugh joke. Potentially embarrassing situations me to believe that? Its true, Miss Martin I... These 20 Little Johnny is a cartoon character based on a Little boy known for his straightforward jokes Johnny... The tooth fairy, and at eight you stripped away my belief Santa. I think I gave him superglue instead Martin, I gave him my airplane glue, I swear insisted! Do, he went around and zapped all of the other kids in class. Now! Little Johnny was in bible study one morning really expect to! Sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, I swear, Johnny.