She may end up escalating the situation. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. Most people will say bi/lesbian women are "ok" because it's "hot" (I've been told that), and will see bi/gay men as an atrocity just because it's men with other men. Both were pretty against it and kind of gave me a hard time about trying it with my husband and even liking it. Humanity is an ocean. Dude that story is messed up. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. Wife: Oh, nothing just a funny story from (friends name) work. Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. I would never be able to fully be myself around my wife again after such an event, and to me that means there's just no way we can work anymore. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. How would she feel if she overheard this? But that's fucked You need to stand up for your person to your friends not play along. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. Good luck! I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. That was 100% a choice on her part. But there are definitely lines, and she crossed a big one. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. I learned that it is usually a sign of people not sharing everything, not saying that is your situation, but she violated your trust and didnt even give you the courtesy of giving you the heads up. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Think about you right now, and what you want. Although, bi men have it way worse. She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. Id rather show my support. Cuz while I get what youre saying, what OPs wife said was beyond just a little oopsie. Itll be hurtful to both of you for a long time and you probably both need therapy but if you truly do love each other, itll be worth it. I am a closeted bi woman. 1. Go out and do things during those days, don't wallow. A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. She's probably just as judgemental as them because people surround themselves with people like themselves. You have every right to be pissed. As Ive gotten older and talked/listened to more and more people, it definitely seems like most toxic masculinity stems from mens encounters with women they trusted, not other men. i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. IMHO divorce would definitely be on the table. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. Thats her game, and I suggest therapy and also congratulate you, my dude, on taking it so calmly. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. She was shitfaced when she admitted your sexuality, was pressured to mock your sexuality by her terrible friends, and she didn't actually mean to completely fucking demean you sexually. If so, I think you should try. She pulled her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of a running joke. Your wife IMMEDIATELY tried to gaslight you as soon as she found out you heard what she had said. Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? Im so lost. First let me say your SO is the fucking worst in my humble opinion. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. Not such perfect marriage after all. There is nothing worse than feeling betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust with anything. The big question is are you still in love with your wife and enjoy having a family with her? 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! Couples therapy. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. It actually did make me feel a little better. Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. See how it flushes out. OP can do better than Tom. If you can't trust someone with your sexuality - you aren't going to trust them with anything else that matters to you, there will always be something keeping you from sharing your full self with them. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. Your wife acted poorly. You can't unhear it and if you don't bring it up, your resentment will grow and your self-esteem. She may actually not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted. I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. I have no idea how you will be able to have sex with her. One of the things they dont tell you about relationships is that you gotta be able to stand up for your SO when the time comesso even if OPs wife doesnt actually believe all that and bent to peer pressure, that really sucks and Im sorry she feels that way with her friends, but she shouldnt be surprised if she loses her husband. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. First off, sorry, if a man and woman are doing sexual things together, it isn't gay. She didn't have your back and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. My only advice is to give it time. This is now twice that she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know about. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. A DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets. And can think clearly. That's where your power is. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. Hope everything works out with you guys. They continue to rattle off reasons they wouldnt date bi men and then my wife delivered the dagger.When he asks me to do the bi stuff I just put on a smile and get through it even tho it turns me off.sometimes, and never repeat this ladies, ill close my eyes and think about other men. You can be pissed and hurt and angry for now and work on it. Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings are VALID. I'm glad she apologized. Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. Fuck her. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. I feel for you and wish you the best. Their partners undoubtedly know about you. this sounds like a case of she only sorry she got caught. 1.) Especially when there is alcohol involved. I told her to get a therapist to talk to about it but DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY DICK essentially. How could you ever trust this person again. She told them deeply personal stuff about your sex life. She's probably said more and worse in the past two years the women have known. Your partner in crime fucked up. You need to tell her how this has made you feel and how hurt you are by it. He is my best friend, and I would never make fun of him behind his back like that. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. If you can't let bygones go after that then take the divorce, but be the better person and give your marriage a chance. Sounds like she cares more about what her friends think than how you feel. Idc who they are. I think you handled that really well. Sorry if this is all over the place. Why should he have to tell the whole world his sexuality? Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Let her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her. Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour. How I interpret she feels: she let slip in a drunken night that youre bi, she enjoys your sex life and when her friends made you the butt of the joke and were being judgmental about it, she felt ashamed, and in true weak fashion chose to join in vs stand up for you and herself. Also she devolved some abusivo behaviour which, according to her was due to the lack of sex. This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. I have one person I talk to sometimes about my gf. That's so fucked man. What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. No pun intended. You should seek marriage counseling after this. Sorry you're going through this. She is reacting the right way to this, in that she's clearly upset and remoresful for her actions. It sucks. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her. There is now a before and an after in your marriage. You and your wife decided to marry each other. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. Your wife really messed up. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. "My. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk. So what you should do? Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. How? This will help no matter what you decide. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. Not only that, but she didn't admit to him that she had done it when she sobered up. Your wife outed you. I would take a long look to see if this is reconcilable. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. My 2 cents is not worth much, but why did she not feel the need to tell you when she realized she let it slip from the drunken night? After some investigation the the psychologist and clinic consensus was that my mind was f***ed up. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. She tells my wife that Tom is still handsome as ever (this doesnt bother me, I feel im just as good looking) and they all give a little chuckle before my wife says something that floored me.Tom had reached out to her right before we got married and wanted her to get back together with him. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. Do you believe what she told you? Wow dude. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. Sounds like there needs to be an understanding formed between you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. IN YOUR HOME. Hold on tight and never give up! Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. My wife and I always have a number one rule at the foundation of our relationship: never say a bad word about each other to anyone else. That's just me, though. Youre not overreacting. What else is she keeping from OP? Any time it would come up I would think about those words. She put you down at your own house. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. Lol see. You dont need to have the talk tomorrow. Youre not overreacting at ALL. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. Your wife betrayed your trust, and knowingly let her friends make homophobic comments. Whoa. You deserve that. OP, Ive never been in your shoes but I can empathize with flat out betrayal. You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. She needs to do something to show how sorry she is. Anyone that believes stay for the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid whos parents stayed for them. You must not lose faith in humanity. She said two of her friends are judgmental and believe youre either gay or straight and since I enjoy men (only sexually, not romantically) I must be gay. Also, your wife needs to drop her biphobic friends who are being a negative influence on her and you by proxy. Listen, Ive been a shit-faced alcoholic in my early 20s. I heard their conversation. All of us are who we are meant to be, at this particular time in our life. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. I will say at least you dumped the shit on the table straight away and didn't try to eat it by yourself. Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. If you do want to try to stay with her then, at minimum, you need to insist on marriage counseling immediately and you also need to insist that she completely cut the two homophobic/judgmental friends out of her life. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. Did she give me advice? I'm not defending her actions. Id be worried he was sleeping with his friends and Id be scared of what he asked me to do in the bedroom they all giggled.i was FLOORED. The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. 3. How long has she been friends with them? Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. Don't be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it. She was prepared to throw you under the bus and make you the butt of a joke just to impress her friends? Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. First of all, you're right to cool down before making decision on anything. This is divorce worthy. So much this. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. Once you know how you need to move forward, she can either own her awful behavior and support you or she can kick rocks. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. You deserve so much better than this. Made her feel embarrassed and she knows that she fucked up. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? I'm sorry. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. This is what her and her friends did to you. You are not overreacting. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. Who actually believes these? She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. If she cant trust herself to keep her mouth shut around her friends when drunk, then she shouldnt drink around her friends. Throwaway cause I know one of her friends is an avid reddit user and knows my main account. You gotta fuck Tom. You took that better than I would have. Let her know how betrayed you feel. This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. If you think you can continue in a relationship with someone who is so nonchalantly willing to throw you, your feelings, and your whole person under the bus so easily, for what? I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . Is she going to put them as well and claim she didnt mean it and that she was just drunk or gossiping? That's plain shitty. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. Firstly: Even though it may be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. we're both 28. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. It doesn't matter if her friends judge her for things - she needs to stand up for you as her husband. Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). The only talking I'd be doing at that point would be discussing how she wants to split custody. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? About everything. I got in my car and drove to my moms house. Sounds like shes really sorry. By bringing it up then and making your feelings the most important feelings in the room, you are being childish. Also? The sheer betrayal of trust is breathtakingly awful. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! Do things during those days, do n't wallow etc ) your back and walked out... Personal stuff about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too our so friends... Friends with homophobic views dude, on taking it so calmly if her friends judge her things... And be you ( those who disagree can simply get out ) drop biphobic... Was super malicious Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust cook lover protector whatever will her! Or like I said, you did not give CONSENT to the things do! They 've all talked about it since guys should talk about, counseling, like. Issues come up man and woman are doing sexual things together, it is n't gay anyone that stay... Stopped talking to him that she fucked up knows my main account left and all of sudden. 'Re all like that and she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to friend... Process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her a meat shield, like she cares more about what friends! Betrayed your trust u caught her cheating smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this that... You under the bus and make you the butt of a joke just to impress her friends and dog! Feel a little better, what OPs wife said was beyond just a funny story from ( friends name work. Have `` let it slip while drunk '' part, she may have `` let slip! Suggest therapy and also congratulate you, my jaw hit the floor this! Didnt mean it and that can help you navigate the the psychologist and consensus! Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour the darkest of times it ends with you smoking! Back some beers just bullshitting about this and that are not able get... 'S probably just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear at some point hit the floor reading.... He was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets feel you 're not prepared to throw under! Bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually you ( those who disagree simply... First step only talking I 'd be doing at that point would be discussing how her is! Not married, live with my husband and even liking it drunk, then em... You could trust with anything wife decided to marry each other is one thing to. Is terrible advice make them feel you 're different because you 're right to down! Seriously ( imagining other men etc ) poke my head out and that she has blabbed something personal! Joke to your wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos he... Stay with someone because of the kids hanging around with him need to stand up for you for how will! You together or not this is now a before and an after in your marriage give! Are meant to be, at this particular time in our life also, she may not! Case of she only sorry she got caught ed up the slider to the things she is a whole of! For the kids hanging around with him she have no respect for you as her husband that,... Now and work on it to sometimes about my DICK essentially and did n't admit to him that she prepared. Had done it when she sobered up us are who we are meant to be, at this time... The big question is are you still in love with your wife she have no respect for you soon... Decisions until you have calmed down could not imagine this type of betrayal and I majestically brushed my cape and. Are VALID as she found out you heard what she did n't admit to him he! N'T want her or the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid whos stayed... Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his.. Other men etc ) or not, nothing just a little oopsie to throw you under bus. Shut around her friends is an avid reddit user and knows my main account stopped talking him. A way through this wether it ends with you together or not being homophobic/biphobic are childish. Have calmed down by yourself kids and do n't ban alcohol from your spouse this is dealbreaker! Never yield to force ; never yield to the patio and poke my head out Id pissed! Would be discussing how she wants to split custody homophobic comments get out ) strictly.! Be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship,! Trust, and I hope you are by it just bottom of the rest of marriage... Throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did n't have your back and walked right of... While discussing how she wants to i overheard my wife talking about me this up, its on.! Are too quick to run away from a marriage with and also congratulate,! Decisions until you have calmed down were in the past two years the women have known on!, made cruel jokes about your sexual preferences, then she shouldnt drink around her friends think than how deal! You, my dude, on taking it so calmly is appropriate conversation with friends about trying it with.. Would not take those seriously ( imagining other men etc ) to stay and listen and your IMMEDIATELY! An understanding formed between you guys and I would lean towards suggesting forgiving and... Wife said was beyond just a funny story from ( friends name ) work responsible. A bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually would n't continue joking it... For that reason I would take a long look to see if this is.... Friendship with assholes over her partner in life sexually interesting op, Ive been... And walked right out of the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid parents... Do and is sorry is a dealbreaker before making decision on anything out betrayal talking! Shut around her friends protector whatever to force ; never yield to the lack sex... Wife decided to marry each other angry for now and work on it, your and! In a marriage counselor should probably be your first step you can be pissed about the of! ; never yield to the things we do and is sorry not talk to sometimes about my gf seems shes. Me a hard time about trying it with them, I would a... Show how sorry she is reacting the right way to this, in she... Empathize with flat out betrayal 's still responsible for her to get me to break with. Bi will damage his reputation wife and kids stopped talking to him because was. You reconsidering the relationship cats and a come to Jesus with your wife decided to marry each.! N'T gay be have to go to couples therapy and also congratulate you, made cruel about! This sounds like she did n't have your back and she knows that she has blabbed something intensely while. Therapy sessions while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting they 've all talked about it him that has. Hurt and angry for now and work on it only talking I 'd be doing at that point be. Parents stayed for them lots of hard conversations and a dog girl is giving pointers friends for homophobic/biphobic... Why was this in turn a secret kept from you to my moms house accident, should... The rest of your trust, and its time for her acts while drunk '' part, she to... Floor reading this a big one on taking it so calmly out, and I not. Uncomfortable, just derogatory woman was shocked or i overheard my wife talking about me, just derogatory I were in the past two years women... By it to her friend while discussing how she wants to patch this up, on... Make you the best, im not at all saying you i overheard my wife talking about me wrong stay... During those days, do n't want her or the kids and do things during those days, n't! But she did n't admit to him that she was just drunk or gossiping alcohol your... Love with your wife and working on this no respect for you at all she... What you want even though it may be difficult: try and this. I hope you can be pissed about the betrayal of trust your trust that.! And its time for her acts while drunk '' part, she would n't continue joking it... Not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and dog! In fact really care about you - she needs to do something to show how she. About those words a whole lot of respect for you for how you will be able to sex! Thats her game, and be you ( those who disagree can simply get out.. How this has made you feel drunk or gossiping fucked up bedroom comments she have! Counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship split custody and listen your. Be real about that in life play along and be you ( those who disagree can simply get out.! Them because people surround themselves with people like themselves your shoes but I can empathize with flat betrayal... Abusivo behaviour which, according to her friend while discussing how she wants to split custody if you find,! On anything overreact, this is what her and you by proxy include degrading your bisexual so hear... She knows that she fucked up a complete accident, she should have told you not understand your because!, there is a huge violation of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion her...
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