TH Fuck her. And Satori I agree you should not tell or assist your H in fixing this. There has to be an emotional outburst every now and again. Fortunately, my grandfather also had an extremely kind father who made up for all of the emotional abuse he received from his mom. It was a bit random I know. And here is one reason for that, speaking about too little too late: I had a phone call from my MIL today, the first call since I saw her 2 days after my H left the house. It wasnt worth it to her as my h had spent thousands and thousands rebuilding her hovel. Now I had the answers to his crazy behavior. One persons swear word is another persons vernacular. You can almost see my H thinking of how he is going to show me. Reconciliation is a rebuilding and a new beginning. TH is right on blood is thicker than water. You probably wont look good in an orange jumpsuit either. H wont be honest, because that would be having to break away from the FOO and do things differently. Seriously Trying Hard and Puzzled we just overlapped. I suggest you become familiar with that scroll feature when your reading. He is in the A fog and that is when my H acted the most crazy. The closest I came was a couple months after R he had to get a colonoscopy. Really, now Im just mourning I guess. Ha who has phone books ?? Neither is easy, but sometimes in the end we are better if we have put the necessary effort to learn and grow. lol. But the mirror tells me that when Im in charge or as he puts it controlling things we only get peace, growth and prosperity. LOL lots of them reach for that childhood stuff and just as with any other doctor you have to reel them back in and say Im not dealing with that right now. Whatever happened to honesty? He deleted her number again. SatoriLOLOLOL nah too much work. You cant make him understand anything at this point in time. The most glaring way is that the wayward spouse leaves the family home and cuts all ties with the betrayed spouse and the children. Its good to laugh and find a little humor in difficult situations. I have not posted a great deal on many blogs before, so I was not really sure how to manage it. Distant, no kiss at the end but he came by the house after and took a few more clothes. Regardless what it was shes your MIL and probably not a friend whos looking out for your best interests. Simple and makes perfect sense. You are def in my good thoughts daily. I mean how appropriate was that? This trauma you have suffered is terrible and I hope you can start to find some relief. I told him to sign the documents or GTFO. He was gone 3 1/2 months before I put my foot down and really blew. My feeling is if it was totally not an option he wouldnt be pushing so hard to end our M and nor would he refusing R if she wasnt in the picture (even in his mind). He gave no indication he was unhappy. This shit is real. Your H is just a fool who will one day regret all of this. Try taking some Melatonin and a hot cup of tea. I think if you read the books a lot of the information there will resonate with you as far as your ex wife is concerned. What is interesting is just the other day an idea hit me like a ton of bricks that marriages work best if a woman in extremely assertive. Ultimate stonewall. Everything you said x 1 million, TheFirstWife. Easy Peasy!!! Here is my agenda tomorrow (aka Operation Clean Slate) where the order of events is as follows: 1. Business stuff is first. What kind of family will she have, where will they live, will there be children, how does he and the other take care of her? It needs time and nurturing. The clouds, the wind, the morning frost. No one around me gets it. He said he was ashamed and felt very bad, he knew he was wrong. How can this phenomenon be explained? He is sick and paralyzed with fear. Stay away from his family unless they reach out to you. So crazy! No more compassion. There just didnt seem to be any indicators and Im intuitive. He agreed to sign the paperwork in a couple of days when he comes over to do some business stuff. Take care of you. He was def on the fence though. And I suspect one day, when it is too late and you have moved on, he will come crawling back. The pain is real. He is cheating on you and leaves you and he accuses YOU of fucking HIM over. She quit her affair so why cant I quit thinking about it? That seemed to be what happened the other day. It was like she, all of a sudden, thought her life was not what shed signed up for. Yup, they are full of it when in the middle of it, Oh and also when he yelled go find someone to date!!! I know I went into shock and if it werent for the fact that I had a one year old and a three year old in my care that day..I dont know what I would have done that day. Me: Silence. Getting away will do wonders for your head. Worked on things I did not like. But that is his problem because trust has to be earned. He was less so in the last few days of our meetings (the ice thaw Ive been posting about) but he still said stupid stuff like I dont like the way you speak to me sometimes. I was adamant Id get his attention. Good morning and welcome to hell that is your life, I told myself. Thank you as ever for your amazing empathy and insights (and you too TryingHard). And not having me to rely on for all his stuff / ride to the train, errands, pay the bills, groceries, gift shopping, kids activities now are all on him. Well today he gets a few hard limits that will really test his measure. The end game for them is just being delayed as they will not face themselves when presented with what is a clear opportunity for growth. I was not controlling either. I must not get caught up in being the victim and pity. She has been distant the whole time showing little affection and behavior that she loves me. And I think you know who and probably have a good idea why. 9. JTK Snake move, but then that is to be expected from a snake. This is getting exciting. Its when I returned from CO after 2 weeks that I threw down the gauntlet. Sometimes when I think of what my ex and her bf did, I feel bitterness creep into my heart. Im looking forward to being able to take the pressure of this day to day emotional stress and actually be dedicated to myself. I agree dint talk about OW. He just said that he doesnt want to be married anymore and thats it, I really dont know where to start, Im devastated. hahaha guys just cant resist that look on a woman . And, honestly, Im not sure that I want to just forget. I am not attempting to censor you. When I would ask for the online banking password (for five years) I would receive some kind of answer that would leave me stunned. News is not good. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is when one of the spouses leaves the marriage without any warning, andusuallywithout having shown any signs of unhappiness with the relationship. When lines of respect are being crossed it is up to us to say enough. Its just like everything else glass half full or half empty. It upsets me seeing people like that. ShiftingImpressions said I was in the fight of my life. I know others have said this but its true: work on you. Ugh. And how he shows his love! It can get better or worse no way of telling which way this will go. Thanks TFW, it has been a very tough few days. The day he left me, the receipts were perfectly filed in a new folder on my desk, and this was after nearly 8 months of asking for them. Weve all heard that dominant crap. He has responsibilities. They have no shame about their reprehensible, destructive behaviorsAfter causing horrific trauma to a wife or husband and children who have been abandoned, he moves on to re-invent himself and re-burnish his image. Au contraire Satori!! We don't spam, promise. I dont talk to any friends about this In our circle of friends and our little town, we were probably that couple. Dont be silly, its all good, no one has turned against you.. I am so sorry for you that this is the outcome he chose. You know? Satori- My wife made no effort in making things better, at least early on. But the selective truth, history, re-writing of history are all part of the CS game. He is younger than my H and in his late 20s. You can express yourself and vent any way you choise. If you dont like what I have to write move on. There are none of the normal human responses to unpleasant behaviour present. I got him to acknowledge something that was really important related to the finances that he had been clearly acting very defensive about and lying, and in doing so, he acknowledged power I hold over him. That includes yours, your H, mine, and my ex. We throw them a rope but they dont see it. So we have R but it is a long hard road at times. You have character and I love it! I think we become a little hypersensitive to clues and signs of poor communication and poor relationships in others. Because you are still on my mind and you will always be worth it.. I decided to circumvent MIL and asked H to have dinner with me instead. I dont think you do either is the problem. We live on a golf course so my friends playing that day got an eyeful!! I was only on it for about a year. A hike, a walk anything out of the house. Satori- Havent seen any posts from you so just wondering how you are doing and how things are going for you. Take care of you first. This is a rare lifetime opportunity for you to decide who you are and what you stand for. There is hope. But I am being treated like a door mat, and being ignored basically and it isnt something that Im ok with. Puzzled, when I think of how everything re the M is now going to be totally different,regardless of the outcome, it makes me feel so upset. Satori you are very very smart. Hi TryingHard, was that last post you made a reply to me? Wish you the best and I do believe you reap what you sow. Until I had to tell them we were having problems just to warn them of a possible D. My younger child even adked if there was another woman involved. So so difficult. What do you care what a bunch of fuckwits say? So if D does occur you can look back and feel you did your best and you will have no regrets. I am not doing so well on that but getting away might improve things in that realm. Yep driving across boring Kansas I literally screamed. It sucks. I cant tell you the number of times I heard the words but were just friends. I guess I just looked innocent to them. And yes I cried every day for years over this whole thing. Some M CANNOT be saved for valid reasons. You got this. lol I even called her and said come and get him hes all yours. He almost had to be admitted after that. You are right about all of it and as you say, it REALLY bothers me that he has revealed himself to be untrustworthy AND a liar.
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